I want to stick my p in your. b.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
