will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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