i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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