i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
