she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
