I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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