the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
