if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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