I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
