We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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