Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
