Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
