He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
did i walk over a car last night?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
