Having a random hookup so left but love u
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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