What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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