You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
