how can u be prego again
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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