Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
