Your tits are I can't wait for
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
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