Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
