I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
