i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
