May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
