I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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