DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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