ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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