The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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