She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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