all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
