I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
