he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
