I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize