Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
