I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
