So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
