His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
