actually, I'm a sock model
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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