Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
