No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
