Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
