Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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