Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
