My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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