idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
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You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Walk of Shame today included voting.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
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