If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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