just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
