is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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