explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
