just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
