I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
