omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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