masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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