Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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