Got a toothbrush?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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