I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am one with the molecules
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
