jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
