just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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