Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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