tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?