I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head