I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
