so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.