I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
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Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ