I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.