I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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