me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The air was thick with penises
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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