No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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